


Someone will love you

by Astrobaek



Category: EXO
Genre: Angst, BaekYeol - Freeform, Bipolar Disorder, ChanBaek - Freeform, M/M, Mental Illness, Sad, bottom!chanyeol, top!baekhyun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-03-04 21:04:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13373040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Astrobaek/pseuds/Astrobaek
Summary: Baekhyun loves Chanyeol, thats why he can't keep him around.





	Someone will love you

Baekhyun looked at him. he was standing next to Jongin. he couldn't figure what was happening, was he laughing or talking, or both? it didn't matter though. Baekhyun smiled to himself. he seemed fine. he seemed okay and of all people, Baekhyun knew how hard was that to fake and how much of a bad liar Chanyeol was. he wasn't faking it. he was calm. Much calmer than he ever was with him and that said something. That said it was working. Deleting Baekhyun tumor was working and nobody was happier than Baekhyun about it. Baekhyun felt his heart clenching and aching. he was so used to it and it still hurt. it sucked.  
They say every sickness has stages, and so did Chanyeol's.

 

_________________________________

 

Baekhyun was such an asshole. he knew it. he told himself that at least a million times in a week. he would be sure of it when he lost at a simple question coming from his mum. he would be certain when he couldn't keep his anger and had to punch something, throw something, just hurt. he would feel it when he said something so mean he could see the hurt and all he could think about was how he felt satisfied. it wasn't that Baekhyun was a sadist no, not really. maybe the feeling of hurting someone made him hate himself more and god, how much Baekhyun hated himself. if he could punch anyone in the face, anyone from Hitler (racist asshole) to Trump (another sexist little bitch) he would still punch himself.  
but the problem was, if anybody knew Baekhyun was a complete and absolute asshole it wasn't Park Chanyeol. not the jumpy, too hyper for his own good, a little in love with Baekhyun, Park Chanyeol. Chanyeol would hold him and tell him its okay, that no matter what he does, he will always be there. it was supposed to make Baekhyun okay, it really was but the thing about Baekhyun was, he didn't want that, all he wanted was for people to stop caring and in some cases stop acting like they care. he wanted his mother to stop getting worked up for him and most of all he wanted Chanyeol to be free of this shit that was called Byun Baekhyun.  
it wasn't always like this though, sometimes he would be so inspired he could paint the whole town. like that time when he made Chanyeol to come with him in that 80s diner and kissed him right in the middle of dancing. it wasn't supposed to happen. Baekhyun liked him, Chanyeol liked Baekhyun but this would never work. but actions are worst than words, you can never ever take them back and worst. you can't delete and change them in someone's mind.  
sometimes he would be so happy he felt nothing bad can happen ever again and then something stupid happens, a word, a scream, a shout and then he would turn into this giant baby who wants nothing more than dying. not like dying as in a I'm dead people! come and grieve for me! gone like gone from people's minds, their memories together deleted and everything about him be gone. that's probably the only time he wouldn't feel like a burden.  
Chanyeol knows most of them. Chanyeol knows how he keeps it inside and how he has mental breakdowns in 3 in the morning, how he wants nothing more than just burying himself. Chanyeol knows about the tears and he knows how sometimes he overworks just so he wouldn't have time to think. to dream. to feel.  
how he can't control himself and how thats his biggest fear. he knows about the night Baekhyun punched the hell out him and how he got so scared he ran away from him. he did saw the terror in his eyes but he didn't see what happend next. later been told that all baekyun did was sitting there, crying and trembling and feeling so suffocated that the air felt like poison.  
he saw that look one ore time, much more terrified. Baekhyun was back hugging him and kissing his neck, that was happy moment. just had their first time together, just made cupcakes. that was the perfect time for saying it. he turned his head and caught Baekhyun's eyes.  
"I love you."  
Baekhyun let go. backing away. it wasn't hurt it was pure horror. he wasn't scared of commitment, he was scared of someone committing to him and of all people Chanyeol? Chanyeol deserved better. better than this stupid pale picture of a person who's just a burden.  
"I.."  
if you say it. you are really an asshole. if you are so scared of the dark just dive into it don't bring him into this pit hole.  
"love.."  
there was tears and there was a big smile and as much as they didn't match. at that time they were perfect.  
"you..."  
Baekhyun knew he hurt him. when he shouted. when he ignored him. when he didn't show up. he loved Chanyeol but this mind of his was working on its crazy way and he was tired.  
he was truly an asshole.  
the word break up was so familiar in Baekhyun's history it has became so easy to use. so many people has left Baekhyun it was almost easy to say goodbye. almost. it will never be easy to say it to the least person you want to. its never easy to say it to Park Chanyeol.  
but he did.  
"are you okay?"  
can you not? he wanted to reach down and hold his hand. the hands that will bleed to death to make him good. the hands of a person who just got dumped and asked if he was okay. the hands of Park Chanyeol.  
he turned his head up, looking in his eyes for the last time. memorizing it and holding the chokes down. nobody needed that mess right now.  
"yes."  
Chanyeol looked so tired. Baekhyun hated himself for that.  
"please be fine Baekhyun."

 

 

 

sometimes you let go of people  
not because you don't love them,  
not because they don't want you,  
not even because the world doesn't want you to be together,  
not because you want to let go or they do,  
but because you're honest,  
because love isn't everything, it not meat nor drink,  
at least not my love.  
so even if truth hearts so much more, its the least we got.  
please be happy.  
please don't worry about me.  
please find someone to love you and deserves to love you.  
please be fine, Park Chanyeol.  
because god knows that's the only way I'll be fine.


End file.
